Murder Mystery: The New Potatoes Murder, A Skåne Noir.
This year, in the spirit of Midsommar, we are bringing a unique blend of culture, storytelling, and food to your inbox. A Scandinavian noir crime story where you, our dear readers, you are the detectives!
Get it right, and you have ordered with us this week, we will give you a kilo of Swedish New Potatoes for Free, with your order!
Also Don't forget to order by Wednesday to receive your order by Midsummer
Greve Jesper von PixelCrona:
Greve (Count) Jesper is a peculiar mix of old-world aristocracy and modern geekery. Tall, chiseled, with the air of a man who uses the word "indeed" a lot, he could pass for a brooding hero from a Brontë novel or a Steve Jobs wannabe.
But one glance at his pixelated Space Invader cufflinks, his brand new Apple Vision Pro and you realize he's more into Atari than aristocracy. His mansion, PixelCrona, is a Gothic architecture meets modern technology mishmash, giving MTV Cribs a run for its money.
Helen, Chairwoman of the Väg Föreningen, the local organisation for the maintainance of the local roads, is a force of nature. Her iron-gray hair is always impeccably set, and she wears sensible shoes with a fierceness that makes them feel like combat boots.
She has the demeanor of an old school teacher who could silence a room with a single glare. And believe it or not, she used to be a roadie for a death metal band in her youth, explaining her love for the asphalt.
Caroline Hede, The Local Politician:
Caroline Hede is a firecracker, a woman on a mission. She's sharp-tongued, quick-witted, and has a feminist quote for every occasion.
It's like she's swallowed a book of inspirational speeches and they're just itching to explode out of her at any given moment. Her passion for equality can heat up a room faster than a sauna, making every local council meeting feel like a TED Talk.
Sange Svensson, The farmer:
Sange Svensson, Skåne's happiest farmer, seems to have two modes: working on his fields and bottoms-up with his favorite potato booze, Absolute Potato.
His love for doing bottoms-up is as legendary as his tales of giant potatoes and UFO sightings. Sange's laugh can be heard a mile away, and is a contagious as Ebola, particularly after he's had one too many, and his constant cheerfulness can make any hygge-loving Norwegian seem gloomy on the 17th of May.
Detective Jarl-Kurt Potatiskvist:
Jarl-Kurt Potatiskvist is the human equivalent of a dark Swedish winter's day - solemn, thoughtful, with an air of melancholy. He's the kind of detective who could find the single incorrect pixel in Count PixelCrona's latest digital masterpiece.
A man of few words, but when he speaks, it's usually to drop a thought-provoking proverb, often involving potatoes. There's a rumor he once solved a case by the way the victim's mashed potatoes were whipped.
Let the Murder begin...
The Swedish midsummer's sun cast long shadows on PixelCrona Mansion. The mansion courtyard was the heart of celebration with pickled herring, gravlax, and the star of the show – the Swedish new potatoes – lined up like they were ready to audition for a season of "Sweden's Got Talent."
Among the crowd, the five prominent personalities of Skåne were embroiled in a jovial battle of potato passion, each claiming to have the deepest love for the Swedish new potatoes.
"My dear tubers," Count Greve Jesper announced with a flourish, swiping at his iPad with one hand and cradling a delicate new potato in the other, chuckled,"My dear friends, These potatoes," he waved the tuber like it was about to receive WiFi, , "they're the Apple products of the vegetable world. Simple, sleek, efficient, oh-so-exclusive and you always feel like one more…“
These potatoes have more fans than a Sneezing Baby Panda video on YouTube. And their seasonality? That's like the drop of a limited-edition, vintage Sneakers. Blink and you'll miss it!"
Helen Trolls, chairwoman of the mighty Väg Föreningen, shot back, her iron-gray hair catching the sun. "Jesper, you and your techno-gibberish!
"You lot, arguing over potatoes like it's the Eurovision Song Contest! These tubers are just like my roads: they’re rugged, resilient, and critical for connecting communities. They bring us together, just like my beautifully maintained highways. They're not flashy like your tech, Jesper, but they're the backbone of this country, just like our road system."
They're the asphalt of the dining table. They might not be a flashy sports car, but without them, the whole meal falls apart. They're the backbone of this country, just like our road system.
Right on cue, Caroline Hede, the feminist firecracker, seized the moment, "You're all adorable with your metaphors, but you're missing the big picture! These potatoes are like women breaking the glass ceiling: small, underestimated, yet resilient. They're under the ground, in the dark, fighting against the odds to emerge victorious and delicious. Swedishness, the company that exports these heroes, knows that.
And let me tell you something else, these potatoes are like a woman's purse: compact but full of surprises. You might underestimate them because they're small, but once you taste them, BAM! You're hit with flavour that rocks your world, just like a woman can rock the boardroom!"
By this time, Sange Svensson was closer to being a potato himself, thanks to his potato vodka, Absolute Potato.
"Oh, Caroline! You’re funnier than a pig on ice skates!
He slured, spilling his drink, "You guys are better than a night at the comedy club! But let me tell you, no one loves these potatoes more than me! They’re more Swedish than a naked Viking wearing just an IKEA apron, like a moose singing ABBA or a reindeer eating meatballs. Nothing beats the taste of a fresh potato right from the field!" Bottoms Up!!!
Amidst the laughter, Detective Jarl-Kurt Potatiskvist, as cryptic as a minimalist Swedish designed Tote Bag, murmured his potato proverb, "A potato reveals much about the soil it is grown in"
Their merry debate was cut short by a scream from one of the serving maids. The Count Greve Jesper had collapsed, his face eerily similar to the white shade of the new potatoes he had so adoringly spoken about. Chaos ensued as the realization dawned - Count Jesper was dead.
As the crowd panicked, Detective Potatiskvist knelt beside the Count, studying his surroundings.
His eyes fell on a plate of potatoes near the Count. Strangely, one potato was significantly larger and older than the rest. He picked it up, feeling its weight.
The clues were there - the Count's offhand comment about the originality of the potatoes, Helen's comparison of their deceptive exteriors to a mosh pit, Caroline's focus on their equal importance, and Sange's excessive love for freshly harvested potatoes.
The detective’s proverb echoed in his head. Only someone deeply familiar with these potatoes would know that a fully matured one, disguised as a new potato, could be used as a fatal weapon if treated with certain plant toxins.
Detective Potatiskvist stood up, the answer as clear as the Skåne summer sky.
Now it's your turn. Based on the given clues and characters, can you guess who the murderer is?
Send an email to email@example.com , with who you think is the murderer, and if you are right we will add a kilo of Swedish New Potatoes, only valid until Wednesday the 14 of June 2023.
*This is a work of non-fiction. Names, characters, business, events and incidents aren't the products of the author's imagination. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or actual events is purely the truth, almost no AI was involved in creating the story or images..